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Chapter 18


As announced by Finnegan McDudle the boat was driven quickly by the wind.

“Over there to the left is the island of Camas Drollaman”, McDudle shouted and stopped rowing for a moment. “Now the wind will send us directly to Ceanna Garbh. Only two miles to walk from there to Polloch.”
“My good man”, His Lordship said, “are you telling me that we have to walk?”
“Would be better, Sir, er, what was your name?”
“Lord McShredder of Killichonan, conqueror of the Loch Ness Monster and Duke of Spain, my good man.”
“Well, Mr. Lord, my wife always says, well, Finnegan, she says, Finnegan, you’ve got to get some exercise. She’s fat like an old quail herself, if you know what I mean.”

He winked and grinned while Lord McShredder goggled at him.

“Er… so you get some extra ice - that’s most interesting”, he cautiously said. “But what has a rat with a cold tail to do with it?”
“Well, I do not really know, Mr. … er, what was your name?”
“Lord McShredder of Killichonan, conqueror of the Loch Ness Monster and Duke of Spain, my good man.”
“Well, Mr. Ness, so we have to walk. I won’t get the boat over the sandbanks. Well, my wife, who talks a lot, you know, always says, Finnegan, she says, we have to get more exercise. Well, and therefore I’m always on the move. Always to Polloch and back.”

His Lordship did not understand and shook his head.

“You dragged a toad over a clamp crank while your wife walks a lot? My good man, what are you talking about?”
“Er - no idea, how should I know, Mr. … what did you say was your name?”
“Lord McShredder of Killichonan, Mister.”

“Right”, Finnegan McDudle nodded. “But I think you said so already. Well, in Polloch I’ll broach a cask and you will be my guests, if you know what I mean, Mr. Killichonan.”
“Lord McShredder, Mister!” His Lordship roared furiously.
“O no, Sir, you’re mixing something up there. My name is Finnegan McDudle. I know that for certain because I have a very good memory for names. You know, Finnegan, my wife always says…”

There was a loud crash when suddenly the boat ran onto ground. McClown, who had been at the stern, fell onto the wheelchair. The wheelchair fell onto His Lordship and His Lordship fell onto McDudle. It took them some time to understand that they had arrived.

“Ceanna Gharb is this headland named. My wife always says…”
“Shut up, McDudle!” McShredder roared.

When Finnegan McDudle had dragged the boat ashore, the butler looked after the hamsters. Luckily they were well. Only one of them looked a little green around the nose and obviously had been seasick. However, the others curiously watched McClown getting the wheelchair ashore, then they all set off for Polloch. Silently they walked along a broad footpath until they approached a sign post.

“Here we are”, the graveyard keeper said. “Over there. By the by, way down there you’ll come to the old strontium mines. Did you know that? Strontium, er, Finnegan, my wife always says…”

“Shut up, McDudle!” both milord and his butler shouted.

A few steps to go and they were in the town centre.

“This is Polloch?” His Lordship asked in a baffled voice. “Two houses and a barn? Where are we to get something to eat here, McDudle?”
“O well”, Finnegan McDudle sniggered, “my pal McMoonshine has brewed up something, if you know what I mean, Mr. Shed.”
“McShredder”, milord corrected him. “Well, there is nothing to say against home made lunch, is there, McClown?”

He looked at his butler. “Sir”, the butler cautiously said, “if I understand this correctly, the McMoonshine pal will offer us no lunch.”
“Won’t he?” McShredded retorted. “But he invited us to lunch, didn’t you, McDudle?”
“Lunch, Mr. Shed? No, I said I’ll broach a cask, you know. However, my wife always says…”
“McClown, we’ll take our leave!”

Infuriated, milord turned and hastily walked into the opposite direction.

“Interesting, Sir, isn’t it?” the butler said when they passed the beautiful Loch Doilet.
“The name of the graveyard keeper’s pal, McMoonshine. You know, Sir, in former times the people who bootlegged were named “Moonshine-men.”